Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Really Super Supernatural Stuff

First of all, I want to thank everyone who left a comment on my previous entry and/or prayed for me, my family, and my mother. A HUGE thank you. I need to re-read all those comments - and I will - but like the many sympathy cards I have received, it's all overwhelming right now.

By the way, whoever mentioned about the snowflakes/hell thing not really being Fatima - a massive thank you. Ditto for the Padre Pio comments about his great-grandfather. I need to re-visit and think all that through, too, because I'm struggling with the whole aspect of my mother having an "unprovided death." But that can wait until later.

So anyway, today is just a little over a week since my Mom died. I'm holding up pretty well, all things considered, and also considering that I'm sick with a hack-my-guts-out type of thing, which makes me feel even more weak and vulnerable than I already am. Sort of freaked out that maybe I caught it from my step-father, who gave it to my mother, who then died when she got it. But I won't think about that right now. (Except I have to, since my step-father was still sick with it at the funeral.)

Pretty much, I'm numb. It isn't real to me yet and it doesn't seem possible that it is. I mean, there is NO WAY that my mother is dead, right?

I'm probably going through all the textbook emotions and behaviors one would expect. Like today, I had a fairly normal and even happy day, but then came home to face the reality of: IT HAPPENED AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT. And then feeling guilty that my every thought today wasn't on my mother. Note that the prevailing numbness is what even allowed for me to have a happy day. So, yes, I'm grateful for the happy day, but I'm still conscious of what lies not far underneath the surface. You know, things like not being able to get the image of my mother dead in a casket out of my head. Amongst many other psychological/emotional/existential turmoils.

But there's this really intriguing, amazing silver lining sort of thing to my mother's death. I want so much to explain it here on the blog, but I fear that I won't be taken seriously or that putting it into words out in the wide open of the blogosphere will cheapen it. Yet it's compelling enough that it really ought to be explained, almost as a testimony to the reality of God and the supernatural realm.
If you have a heart and sensitivity to the Spirit of God, you will hopefully find the story I soon plan to tell here just as amazing as we have. And then maybe you can help me to figure out what my next step is supposed to be. Because I feel pretty lost right now. As I've been telling anyone who asks, I don't know who or what I'm supposed to be, and every day so far I wake up wondering what the heck my life means.


  1. If things happen in your life that seem supernatural, just accept them as a gift from God and your mom. Just about everyone I know that has lost a loved one has had something happen that did not seem to fit in the realm of what is "natural". What a comfort these gifts can be!

  2. This makes me think about something I read a few years ago when Amy Welborn's husband passed away unexpectedly.


    This is the post about her buying a house and the first time I read it it gave me goosebumps. Nearly four years later and of all the things I read on the Internet, it sticks with me. I think it was a sign of sorts.

    Also, if you need to talk or get away, give me a call...

  3. God. God is beyond all time, and yet flesh and blood Man...and as to songs on the radio...or those incredible feelings like the person who's gone, is right there, or was just a second ago, and you just missed him (or her)...well, the veil is quite thin in places.

    ...accept as a gift from God and from your mom. Yes.


  4. Gifts from God abound. I believe in the Communion of Saints, ergo time is not relevant to love and death does not prevent God from showing us the love of those who loved us. You are in my prayers.

  5. After my dad died suddenly from a massive heart attack, I was a mess for about a year. I thought I was perfectly fine, but then something would happen - I'd hear a song on the radio that he liked or I'd think of something he'd said and I would just start crying. It got to the point that I couldn't socialize with other people because I thought I was completely fine and then bammo the tears would start - at a cocktail party, or a back yard bbq.
    Give yourself time. Your family will get you through it. What helped me the most was the Eucharist. I would go as often as I could. I too believe in the communion of saints, and I felt my father's presence there. I also understood the saying "unite your suffering to the Cross" for the first time in my life. I've been praying for you and your mother.

  6. Glad you are doing ok. It is so sad losing a parent. The first year is the hardest I found, going through all of the milestones of Sad Firsts. May your dear mother Rest in Peace.
    Be gentle with yourself.


  7. Last week I promised to offer up my Sunday Mass for your mom, which I did. Today I offered up the daily Mass for your mom - and mine. It's my mom's birthday today but she died nearly 16 years ago.
    I don't think the reality of her death really hit me until she was gone 6 months. About 9 months after she died I went to a grief support group for a few weeks which helped a lot. The leader said they don't accept people into the group until at least 6 months has passed as everyone is basically in shock in the beginning, especially if the death was sudden. If I learned anything in that group it was that I was NOT crazy and that waves of grief could sideline me at the oddest moments. Best defense - always pack tissues and big sunglasses. I could write a book about all of this in the com-box but I will spare you!
    Best book that helped me navigate through the jungle of grief was 'Understanding Grief - Helping Yourself Heal' by Alan D. Wolflet. For some strange reason it's cheaper on the Canadian amazon website than the American one.
    Prayers continue - Angela M.

  8. Sorry - the doctors last name is WolFELt - not WolfLet.

  9. Just checking in - I hope you are doing well - still praying too. My sincere and continuing condolences.


  10. Sorry for your loss. This is one way I look at things. Charlotte if you were God and your mother was before you for the final judgment, would you, knowing your mom's faults as well as her goodness, send her to ETERNITY in Hell? Heck no right? Well just remember that God loves her soooo much more that you are capable of loving her! She might have to undergo a purification (purgatory) as most of us do. Is it painful? probably like childbirth as we are brought into the new kingdom. We don't know how long that purification takes: a couple of moments or some years, who knows, but I think most of us make it to heaven. Yes some don't which is very sad for us & God (because He wants us all to be with him in the end). For somebody like your mom, take heart God doesn't lose very many and I believe your mom lives on.

  11. Still thinking about you and praying through these days of grief and healing.

  12. Just checking in, too...praying for you, Char.

  13. Just wondering how you are. With prayers, Angela