Or at least that's what one would surmise based upon how many people I've seen check out of Facebook for Lent.
My question is, do they give up Facebook so that they can continue to indulge in their chocolate and sugar?
Actually, I'm cool with it, unless it's just the easiest, simplest no-brainer thing to give up. That's what I wonder about.
One or two of the people getting off of Facebook for Lent, I think they totally needed to. But my lesson of the last three or so years is that if you completely refrain from politics or religion, Facebook is almost brain-deadly benign.
Anyway, I haven't yet figured out what to do about Lent. For the last two years, I haven't done anything and didn't follow any fasting rules, etc., since I was really angry about the Church. Oh, I'd plan some fish frys or non-meat meals for the sake of my husband, but that was my limit.
Before that, my view was that I needed to "take on" rather than "give up." For example, one year I recall making a promise to go to at least one additional mass per week, as well as going to confession at least twice during Lent. I still tend towards the "take on" philosophy. This year, more rosary might be the ticket.
Today, I am making an attempt to fast. I didn't even give it any thought, I just did it. Made a loaf of bread for John and I to eat for breakfast and lunch, and I'll deal with a non-meat dinner later today, when I cross that bridge. I'm also going to get to mass at noon. Believe me, after the last couple of years, this is a big deal for me, even if it sounds minimalist to others.
So anyway, on some level I could use a little inspiration for Lent, but when people put up Facebook posts and blog posts giving you "suggested" or "recommended" lists of things you could do for Lent, I usually shy away. It always comes off as, "I'm so put together, learn from me!" I know, I shouldn't see it that way, but I do.
I noticed a few women on a local forum are giving up restaurants for Lent. That would be really hard for me, I admit. I have to think about that a bit, especially since I'm sitting in a Starbucks as I write this. Ha! My husband would LOVE it if we gave up restaurants for Lent, since it would mean I made a commitment to curb laziness and apathy about making dinner and save us some money.
So anyway, I know there are loads of people who ABHOR people talking about what they give up for Lent publicly. I could care less. So, hey, what are your Lent plans?
I don't have any. Trying to just hang in there at this point, in terms of the Church and all that. Perhaps that is the challenge I have been sent this Lent.
ReplyDeleteI think people give up Facebook for a few reasons...either it is taking up too much of their time, or it is driving them nuts. Both not bad reasons I guess. I quit Facebook permanently about two years ago, never missed it. Just wasn't for me, although I did find some old friends on there so that was good, but now I keep in touch with them on email and in real life.
Catlady
I understand about the Facebook taking up too much time. That was a big problem for me years ago, but since everyone just seems to post meme pictures now, and rarely posts about their real life, it's alot less appealing to me and there's no reason to be on it as much.
DeleteCatlady, you should expound on your "just trying to hang in there" statement. I'd like to know.
Hi Charlotte, Basically there has been a mini-explosion in our AD, as our bishop has decided he doesn't have to follow the Dallas Charter, and he continues to move around a confessed sex offender, only to be found out by the papers, over and over. Three years ago, he tried to put him in as a hospital chaplain without telling the hospital his sex-offender history (he got booted).
DeleteNow it is found that he has been living at a local parish and serving the weekday Masses there. In direct violation of the Dallas Charter...again. So, the newspapers find it all out, and the priest has now moved out in the cover of night, because I assume it was either the priest or the parish.
Throughout all of this, the bishop sticks to his story that he is not doing anything wrong. Then this week, I get a letter signed by the confessed sex offender, asking for money for the propagation of the faith. I guess the bishop is trying to show us who is boss.
I talk to my pastor, he doesn't seem to care, gets quite snippy with me. I see quick whose side he is on and walk away sheepishly.
I don't think they understand that it's not that we want this guy's head, we just want the Dallas Charter to be adhered to, so that more children aren't put at risk.
I've just had it with the whole thing. Of course, this is further entangled by the fact that my children are in Catholic school, so I can't just bolt from the parish. But I can't keep supporting this archdiocese with this archbishop (Newark).
But where I am supposed to go? For now, we are parish-hopping for Sunday Mass. It's exhausting. Catlady
First, that title is just perfect - Facebook is the new chocolate!
ReplyDeleteI posted some ideas, I won't do them all. Basically, I want to (1) mortify my will/offer up, (2) be kinder and nicer-a better role model to my children so I don't see my bad behavior in them and (3) pray more/do spiritual reading/grow in faith.
Are you going to read anything?
Hope I can make some progress. Prayers.
Allison, I'm gonna check out your blog next.
DeleteI haven't really thought about it until today, but "taking on" something appeals to me more than "giving up." Perhaps I will take on morning prayer, I could really use it. I like what you mentioned about planning to go to confession X number of time, etc. It really, to me, makes something of the whole season of Lent. Also, I'm glad today is not a HDO.... it's either 8am or 7pm here, and I have to work tonight. I'd rather not hassle with it.
ReplyDeleteI think you're on to something when you said you're cool with giving up FB "unless it's just the easiest, simplest no-brainer thing to give up". I think that no-brainer item has been chocolate for the longest time... just give up something that isn't a major hardship for you and you can feel like you're a 'Good Catholic' (or Protestant, whatever, do they do that?). Giving up chocolate (or FB) looks good to others, but really maybe it is better to forgo outward appearances and work on spiritual growth instead. [I was going to ask where this 'giving up' started from, but it probably is the same as the 'no meat on Fridays' thing]
For years I REFUSED to do the fish on Friday thing for similar reasons as you mention here. I still have issues with it, truth be told, but am more open to it, finally. I still maintain that pigging out at a church fish fry or gobbling down a plate of shrimp at Red Lobster is giving up nothing. I know not all people respond to meatless Fridays like that, but during Lent it just seems more pronounced to me.
DeleteYes, the candy/chocolate thing was/is so ubiquitous that I interiorally laugh at it when people say they're giving it up. It's just so thoughtless for most (not all) people. That's kind of what I'm thinking about the Facebook thing, although I do understand and sympathize with, for example, Maureen (below) about the "checking out" on your family thing, since I do that too.
Yep, I signed off for the season, it's part of my limiting time on my butt with my eyes on the screen instead of up and engaged with the kids. I've been in a definite funk and have been using the glowing screen to check out. It's a step to better choose what occupies space in my brain. I've been thinking about how you eliminated most people local to you on FB on the idea that you live close enough for real live contact. I hope that removing the crutch of pseudo-catching up will result in me reaching out for more real contact and help me overall. And yes, I'm still reading a few blogs...as you can tell.
ReplyDeleteMaureen, don't be surprised if some of the local people don't have contact with you in real life. That's what happened to me. Deep down, I don't think they mean it, but Facebook has altered the way we interact with people, and I fear it's permanent.
DeleteI haven't completely decided. I think I'm going to try to get to confession more than once this year. My husband is giving up desserts and since he does most of our cooking, I think I'm giving that one up too. Oh, we also decided on one thing to do as a couple, but we're keeping that one to ourselves. I wrote a post for Catholic Sistas (www.catholicsistas.com) that went up yesterday with a long list of possible Lenten sacrifices. I gathered it from lots of different people, just a "Handy-Dandy List" to help people out if they are still considering what they want to do. I just tried to get to the site and it seems to be down. I can post a direct link later if the site comes back. Not sure why it is down right now.
ReplyDeleteKasclar, yes please post that link! (By the way, I think a long time ago I got into a tiff with one of the writers on that blog, but I can't remember what it was about? Probably was one of my self-righteous days that I'd like to forget.)
DeleteHere's the link: Your Handy-Dandy List to Lenten Sacrifices
DeleteI'm not sure why I couldn't get to the site earlier today. It's working just fine now. :) Hope you enjoy the list, I tried to make it as diverse as possible with lots of different options. And they aren't all my ideas, no where close. I solicited pretty much all of them.
Well, I left Facebook quite a while ago. I only joined it when the Coalition for Clarity thing inspired both a blog and an FB page, but the page is defunct and the blog is...limping along when I remember to post on it. For me, FB was always to hasty, too frenetic, and as unnatural as a short phone call. ;) So I didn't make it a Lenten thing when I quit--it was just a relief!
ReplyDeleteI've had years when I've both taken on and/or given up too much, and had to refine my voluntary penances along the way with the admission that I didn't know what the heck I was doing. Something that occurred to me one day was this: most of our traditions of fasting and sacrifice come from monastic life (in the sense that that's where these things got started and flourished). It's *good* for lay Catholics to join in solidarity with the silent heroes in the monasteries and cloisters whose everyday lives would be like Lent on steroids for most of us, and who take on even more of a sacrificial approach during the actual Lenten season, but it's *bad* for us to ignore the realities of our own vocations in order to model our Lents after theirs.
So here's what my Lent typically looks like:
1. Family sacrifice: we always give up desserts together. I sort of insist, because you really can't maintain order when one person is not giving up cookies and cake and everybody else is. :) This shared sacrifice unites us as a family.
2. Personal sacrifice: everybody picks something to give up. I'm joining one of my daughters in giving up what we're calling "mindless snacking," as in grabbing a handful of something you're not hungry for and don't need just because it's there. I've done the whole "not eating between meals" thing, but sadly, I always *gain* weight when I do this. It works better for me to eat when I need to but to focus on not grabbing junk food and making sure I actually need something before I take it.
(As an aside, my girls are really creative at coming up with stuff. One year my youngest gave up butter--as in, putting butter on bread, toast, sandwiches, etc. That was tough, and I was impressed! However, because she's growing she's a bit underweight right now and I've asked her to sacrifice something *other* than food this year.)
Family prayer: we say the Divine Mercy Chaplet together. We strive for daily, but we're realistic about it. For instance, we won't actually start it until tomorrow because our Mass is tonight and it will be rather late when we get home.
Personal prayer: with you, Charlotte--I need to get back to the Rosary! I'm trying not to set myself up for failure here: going to promise a decade a day. If I find myself saying more, great, but limiting the promise to a decade keeps it realistic for me right now.
Spiritual reading: this one is left to the individual as desired, but I want Mark Shea's Our Father/Hail Mary book. I bought a copy for my father-in-law for Christmas and peeked at it. Awesome, reader-friendly. But I want the money to go to Mark instead of Amazon, which means I have to grab my dh and have him order it with me because I can never remember our danged PayPay password. I'll start that whenever I finally order it and it gets here.
Now, all that said: you still have a young'un at home. Do what makes sense. For instance, the "restaurant" thing: why not pick a day or two out of the week and make them "no restaurant" days instead of trying to give up all restaurants for Lent? You'll still have to plan ahead to make food at home on those days, but you won't go crazy trying to juggle your time at your son's school and that long commute *and* a cooking obligation every day of the week. You can always increase the number of days as time goes on if you want to, but even the discipline of declaring one specific day "eat at home day" is a good thing.
Red, I like this part: "...but it's *bad* for us to ignore the realities of our own vocations in order to model our Lents after theirs." Not that it's a problem for me. Ha! But a good reminder that those of us who are married aren't called to that sort of thing.
DeleteWith you on the decade of the rosary a day thing, for at least a minimal approach. I personally like doing it with Mother Angelica's sisters on EWTN.
How does Mark Shea not make money from Amazon? I'd be interested in that? I mean, doesn't he (and all authors) get a cut, no matter how small?
Oh, sure, he gets a cut, but I can tell you it's not much (probably even less for him, b/c I'm self-publishing there).
DeleteIt's a few bucks more to buy the book directly from him, but I think he gets to keep the difference and he goes to all the trouble to sign and mail the books you buy that way, too.
And I've never minded helping support Mark (as opposed to people I'd mention but it's still Ash Wednesday). Former Prot. ministers/workers who become Catholic can get sort of a raw deal. I've heard Catholics say they should just "man up" and get "real jobs" instead of writing books etc., but when you studied theology and worked in ministry-related fields and then become Catholic in the middle of your life, how exactly do you walk into MegaCorp Inc. and get that "real job"? (And meanwhile your family still needs to, you know, eat and other frivolous stuff.)
So if I pay a few dollars more to get one of Mark's books from Mark and that pittance helps buy a few more groceries, I don't mind doing it. And I'm sure he's thrilled to sell the books on Amazon, too, because more people can see them there.
When I was a smoker I'd give it up for Lent, always hoping that I'd kick the habit for good after Good Friday. The perverse happened, I'd actually be looking forward to Good Friday so I could smoke - I guess I figured if I made it through Lent without a butt I damned deserved one while fasting. I did quit smoking for good outside of Lent (thank you Allan Carr!).
ReplyDeleteUsually I add Daily Mass (except for Saturday) and leftovers for lunch (after I walk the dogs, not before). Believe it or not, the walking the dogs on an empty stomach and not looking forward t eating leftovers was pretty hard. I haven't decided what to do this year (besides giving up desserts as a family). The Daily Mass is wonderful, but I have some more commitments during the week that it would mean a lot of running around. I will decide by sun down, but I think I might take on the Rosary again.
JMB, that's funny about the smoking thing. That's what I would do, too, if I was to smoke. Or anything that I gave up - I'd be rushing for Easter to get back to it.
DeleteWhat do you think of the practice that many around me do where on Sundays during Lent, they get a reprieve from whatever they gave up? I only learned about that in the last few years, and I sort of think it's strange. We certainly never did that as kids.
Kudos to you on the daily mass!
I don't remember doing that as a kid either, but I don't remember doing much Lenten sacrifices at all as a child. I think the emphasis was on "taking on" rather than giving up in the 70s and 80s. It doesn't really bother me to have Sundays off. I never did it with the smoking thing, but when I gave up booze one lent I fudged a little and allowed Saturday night to be a Sunday...Iguess I'm not really a deontologist!
DeleteCharlotte, jumping in on the "Sundays Off"--we did that growing up, and I think you and I are near the same age. :) Maybe it's a regional thing...
DeleteI know some point out that if you count the Sundays you get more than 40 days of Lent. And some priests say you should take Sundays off from penance because even Lenten Sundays are still memorials of the Resurrection and thus joyful. I think this is a "do what works best for your family" thing.
IMO, giving up FB in this day and age would be akin to giving up looking at the mail that was delivered each day in the past. You know, just collecting all the letters you received from people during Lent until Lent was over. (or maybe people actually did that?) I won't mention what my plan is, as I'm sure it would sound silly to some. I noticed that my ashes today were more in the shape of an "F" than a cross, and I told my daughter that this meant I already failed before I even started. (I have managed to reshape it into a cross). I take to heart the message of todays gospel to hide yourself away with your prayers, rather than being obvious to others. (even though it means I'm not accountable to anyone but God). I was obnoxious enough to suggest to a couple of my adult children that they give up smoking for lent....
ReplyDeleteWas their response as bad as my 5 year old? My husband and I explained to him last night that sometimes people give up things like candy and soda in an effort to love Jesus more, and he started bawling and yelling "Don't make me do that! Don't make me do anything!"
DeleteI don't plan to give anything up unless you consider any undesirable behavior giving up. Looking at where to begin, I selected the Virtues and then tried to determine which one would be best. With the way the world is going today, I'll select Fortitude: to have courage. This sums it up best "Fortitude is the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good. It strengthens the resolve to resist temptations and to overcome obstacles in the moral life. The virtue of fortitude enables one to conquer fear, even fear of death, and to face trials and persecutions. It disposes one even to renounce and sacrifice his life in defense of a just cause. "The Lord is my strength and my song."70 "In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." from the website Catechism of the Catholic church. The unusual thing is that I selected this virtue before going to this site. Little did I know I would see "The Lord is my strength and my song" . I have been wearing a prayer box for the last several years with this passage in it. Well, there are no coincidences.
ReplyDelete"So anyway, I know there are loads of people who ABHOR people talking about what they give up for Lent publicly. I could care less. So, hey, what are your Lent plans?" (Char)
ReplyDeleteThanks for, well, making me laugh!!!
I am attempting to read two spiritual books - one very new and one very old (Augustine's Confessions). Confessions is also for a book club I belong to or I doubt I would attempt it.
Maybe 3 books - a friend gave me Light and Peace, which was published in 1795, in France. I am terrible about reading books people think I should read, so I don't know if I will get to it.
Wait, four books. My other book club is reading My Sisters the Saints, and that could "count" as Lenten reading, too.
I decided I would fore go Starbucks. That one is really hard for me as I have gift cards from various people and I love their coffee.
As for additional prayers and such, after trying to gather my family for the rosary for several years, I have given up the family rosary, since last year. The only "member" of our household who willingly came to this event, besides me, was our dog because it was a major play time for him - my husband, my sons, my daughter - ALL would play with the dog during our 15-minute rosary, and really didn't care to come together otherwise, or even with the dog, for that matter.
Yes, I know. I could/should pray the rosary all by myself then. And I've tried, probably not very hard or consistently, but the A.D.D. kicks in and I rarely, if ever, finish it when I'm on my own.
So, I hope to go to one daily mass during the week, and pray one rosary at home (probably by myself) weekly, too.
Last year I gave up booze. And none of this "except for Saturday and Sundays.........and when we have company over" (that was my husband's version LOL). Not a drop. It was pretty ugly, but I figure it was good for the liver.
ReplyDeleteLife is harder this year, so I thought for the sake of everybody around me I would avoid the tee-totaler thing, despite my strong inclination to do some liver detox. I do have to think of others, after all ;)
So this year I am just going to add in nightly prayers. Nothing formal---formal prayer generally skeeves me out, given the authoritarian, very strict Catholic upbringing I had. But at the very least some conversation with God thanking him for the all the wonderful things that have happened to me each and every day. And yes, each and ever day, wonders happen. Thanking God for them at night will force me to see them for what they are.
I'll be at the hospital at least twice a week for 40 Days for Life, no meat on Fridays (in Canada we are allowed even during Lent except for Good Friday) and I am FINALLY going to learn the new Apostle's Creed. Oh and I will try to get to Stations of the Cross on Fridays but I already know it won't happen every week.
ReplyDeleteAngela M.
I forgot about Stations of the Cross. I think if I get to them once, that will do it for us.
DeleteSorry, I'm a cliche :) Facebook, coffee and chocolate for me! I will be attempting to fill the void of time I wasted on facebook with household chores and/or prayer/daily readings. I gave it up last year and definitely needed it then (too many commbox arguments)... this year I need to give it up more for being conscious of my knee-jerk tendency to always think about sharing something inconsequential about my life on facebook or look up this or that about someone.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I'd much rather people post inconsequential things about their actual selves and lives than all the political/religious memes. I lament how Facebook has become a sounding board for agendas. You would be the kind of Facebook friend I'd like.
DeleteI probably shouldn't comment on this one since I'm an ex-Catholic turned Orthodox Christian but I don't understand why more Roman Catholics don't attempt to fast. It's just as much a part of your tradition as it is ours. I HATE fasting and I always dread Lent. I've never made it through Lent keeping the fast perfectly. But failing at fasting it part of the point of it. The Church (both East and West) has always taught us to fast so there must be a benefit to it. The key is not to be legalistic about it.
ReplyDeleteBack when I was still a Catholic, I knew a priest who taught that fasting during Lent was essential. He offended a lot of people and people left his parish over it. He wasn't a trad, BTW.
I don't talk much about the fast but when I do mention it, people act like it's impossible. Which is funny because if I announced to the same people that I was becoming a vegan for help or ethical reasons, they'd accept it even if they thought it was weird.